LOCKDOWN?! AGAIN?!

Anyone else feel like they’re on house arrest? I understand why we are going into a lockdown, don’t get it twisted but being in lockdown is so difficult.

During the first lockdown I felt alone with my demons. Living alone with no one to pull you out of your spiral can be one of the hardest things you can go through.

As I wrote in my previous post Grief, my first lockdown was horrendous, but even before my loss I was really struggling with the fact that I had to be on my own. I was placed on furlough, so didn’t even have work as a distraction and I was fully alone with my thoughts. Which if you know me, I’m a HUGE over-thinker. I mean I worry about whether or not my Grandchildren will be fed properly and I haven’t even got a partner yet (yup she’s a winner *haha*). I put so much pressure on myself in the first lockdown to be active and achieve something, that I ended up overwhelmed, cried and slept. Note: When I get stressed or overwhelmed I sleep, like magically I’ll wake up and all my problems will be gone and when they aren’t – I go back to sleep. I do not advise this way of dealing with things by the way, it’s just something I’ve always done. So with that I felt super depressed, which then led me to comfort eating, then I was upset with myself because I was comfort eating and putting on more weight, on top of the weight that I wanted to lose initially, I slept some more and ate more and yhh you get the picture. NOT GOOD.

Things that were playing on my mind:

• My weight – I didn’t recognise the person I saw in the mirror anymore and didn’t want to accept that this is the person I’ve become – defo due to share this story with you guys!
• The fact that I was single – which I put down to the lack of confidence due to the weight gain & that I wasted time in a situationship with someone that wasn’t ready in themselves for what I wanted
• The fact that for my age I felt “behind” in life – a lot of my friends and people that I’ve grown up with are in long relationships, married or having children (of which every other post is a picture of their child – as beautiful as they are – doesn’t help when that’s all you want in life)
• I felt that I hadn’t accomplished anything and that my life was stagnant and that this is “it” for me, like as though at the age of 28 I’d hit my ceiling and that was the end of my success – like I peaked too early type thing
• PCOS – so I suffer with a condition which I will write about in another post and one of the symptoms is infertility – so a family orientated woman like myself – you can imagine how that plays on my mind…*sigh* yeaahh

I realised at that moment that I needed God to get me through this Lockdown and areas in my life that needed healing where being revealed. So I gave all these areas to God to deal with and bit by bit I feel him tackling them.

I then started up this blog and launched on Social Media as I truly felt as though it was part of my purpose but then my Grandad passed and well the cycle continued but this time with additional fact that my G-Pops wouldn’t see me walk down the aisle. The point I’m trying to make here is that being in Lockdown is HARD! As a social butterfly, I feel it A LOT – I’m so used to being around people, coming from a large family and having great friends, even not being able to meet new people, it really affects me. Even a simple cuddle 🙁 – It’s Hard! So be kind to yourself during this time, pray a lot – even if you feel distant from God (because believe you me, as I start this journey with God, sometimes it be like that – especially when you don’t understand what God is doing in your life and you’re trying to do the right thing). But know that you are not alone in feeling this way.

One thing that helped me get through lockdown was finding a hobby (Oh I’m a gamer chick now 😉 – GTA4LYFE (it’s the only game I know how to play lool)), something to pass the time. Also, 2020 allowed my to get closer to my friends and family – establishing a bond that goes so much deeper. Really understanding what people around me are going through – makes you truly appreciate what you do have.

Other things you can do:

• Clean your house, room, drawers, cupboards, bathroom – CLEAN, CLEAN, CLEAN! I slyly do have OCD (even though my friends have been telling me for years, I realised it myself when I chilled on the stairs just because I didn’t want to dirty anything) LOOOL! But cleaning is so therapeutic, helps to clear your mind and gives you something to focus on
• Try that one thing that you’ve been wanting to try but never had the time – drawing, painting, building, creating
• Plan/ redecorate your room/ house – design your ideal room
• Connect with your friends more, have a lockdown buddy – I had 1 friend that used to Work from home from my house with me, so that I wasn’t completely alone – it really helped
• Make playlists on Spotify for different occassions
• Cook something new, you’ve got loads of time to experiment, try a new cuisine – buy a Chefs hat from Amazon – get fully immersive
• Make your bed every day – so that even if you’re chilling on the sofa, you’ve achieved one thing for the day
• Wash your hair, try out new hair styles and makeup techniques
• Give a TikTok dance a go – they’re not that easy you know!

What other things have you done that have helped you through Lockdown? I’d love to hear them and maybe they could encourage someone else. Just know that you’re not alone in this! Reach out and talk to someone.

Love Always,